“You keep a journal already” the minions said. “Why
not post it online?”
Because it's dumb, ok? These are the same guys who said
I should get a Twitter account to keep everyone up to date on what I
was doing. Not only did that work out badly, but it also tipped off
the Justice Brigade about me taking over Egypt. Corporal Crosshairs
still hasn't replaced my phone! I'm stuck with using a crappy
TracFone instead of my ultra cool Windows 7 Phone!
So I am doing it. Maybe I am just too trusting of my
minions. #876 is fairly trust worthy after all. He help keep Ice
Cream Thursday in the cafeteria a secret. And he even managed to
catch Agent #42 once! He got away and killed 17 minions during his
escape, but I can't remember the last time a minion caught a secret
agent by knocking him out with a door. I knew not going with all
sliding doors was a good idea.
Quick update on current projects. The R&D Monkeys
are working on redesigning the Weather Control Device. After the
last couple of winters we have to be able to control the weather
better if we want to use it to take over the planet.
The main project is of course the Drunk Design Device.
We would have been done with it by now if we hadn't been shut down by
OSHA for a while. Who knew that it was unsafe to work around
unshielded nuclear reactors all day every day. And for those of you
wondering, yes we are working on some sort of support program for
those of you who grew extra limbs or a third eye as a result. No it
does not involve feeding you to sharks. A few might be thrown into
the Sarlaac pit, but none will be fed to sharks.
Did I say Sarlaac pit? I meant...um...you will not be
killed in any way and any rumors to the contrary are in fact just
that. Rumors.
Finally, before I forget, next Thursday is Take Your
Daughter To Work Day. Feel free to bring them with and hopefully get
them thinking about a career in villainy. Surprisingly enough,
female minions are not that common, and the more there are, the
harder it will be fore feminist groups to get mad at us. However, if
you work in the Chronology lab, please do not bring your
daughters!!!!
We all remember what happened to little Suzy Schwartz and her class
mates. The world could probably do with one less second grade class
being turned into eight year old octogenarians.
On
a related note, please make sure your kids don't take anything you
brought home from work to school for show and tell. I think we can
all agree that would probably be a bad thing if they did that.
That's
it for now. Keep up the good work everyone. Have a safe and
productive day.
